How to Love Better
这本书没有中译本，啃一下顺便学学英语吧~
00 引言 INTRODUCTION: OUR STORY
The three biggest green flags aregrowth, kindness, and compassion.If they are consistently kind，if they care about growing，and if they can see beyondtheir own perspective，then this is someone worthyour time and energy.
最重要的三个积极信号是成长、善良和同理心。如果对方始终友善，重视自我成长，并且能跳出自身视角去思考，那么这个人值得你投入时间和精力。
确实这三点是很宝贵的品质。而且现在自己的看法，这三个品质也不是一个固定词语或数值的概念，都是阶段性有发展潜力的。经历一些思考或事件后，这些品质也会得到打磨淬炼，会比之前更有容量和深度
比如善良不等同于一直妥协、献祭，而是在看见真实的对方后、看见边界后依然坚守的那份温和。而且，也需要对自己善良，有善意，接纳自己。边界不是善良的对立面，善良不需要已透支自己为代价，选择保护自己，也是善良。
同理心也不是固定不变的，经历过视角错位并且看见这错位后，才会去看见和理解对方，去思考如何在理解对方和尊重自己之间找个平衡。也需要看见自己，安抚自己，慢慢建立内在安全感（涉及到自我慈悲理论，后面在其他书籍中深入了解）
至于“值得投入的时间与精力”这个说法，感觉有一点点功利，自己更觉得这是一份珍贵的生命体验，不管结局如何，都应该珍惜当下，值得去用心对待
Deep love is not easy because it contains so much. It is full of disagreements, howling laughter, hard conversations, genuine care, plenty of tears, undeniable joy, and the feeling of being truly seen. You don’t get the good without the tough stuff that helps you both grow.
深爱并非易事，因为它承载着太多。 其中充满了分歧、开怀大笑、艰难的对话，真挚的关怀，无数的泪水，不可否认的喜悦，以及被真正看见的感觉。 没有那些帮助你们共同成长的艰难时刻，就无法获得美好的结果。
It’s a total lie that relationships are supposed to be easy. You have to learn how to love each other well while the relationship shines a mirror on the ways you each need to grow. This is a big challenge to accept.
所谓“关系本来就应该很轻松、容易”的说法纯属谎言 在关系中，你们必须学会如何更好的相爱，同时让这段关系成为一面镜子，照亮彼此需要成长的方向。 接受这一点是一个巨大的挑战
You know the connection is special when the person who wants to be with you also understands that they need to put energy into learning how to love you well. They know that love is not automatic; instead it comes from deep listening and doing their best to meet your preferences in a way that feels genuine.
当你发现那个想和你在一起的人，也明白自己需要投入精力去学习如何好好爱你时，你就会知道这份联结是特别的 她们深知爱并非自然而然的，而是源于深度倾听，并且尽最大努力以真诚的方式满足你的需求和偏好
Our relationship today is not perfect. We still argue and disagree from time to time, but now we have the inner fortitude to hold each other with compassion as we process what we feel. Arguments no longer turn into full-blown hurricanes, instead they become opportunities for both of us to take turns listening so that we can try to see beyond our own perspectives and get to the real root of what is upsetting us. We do not expect our relationship to be endlessly peaceful and joyous, but we do now have the tools to navigate the challenging moments more smoothly and quickly.
如今我们的关系并非完美。我们依然会时不时地争执和意见不合，但现在我们拥有了内在的坚韧，能在彼此感受时，以同理心相互扶持。争执不再演变成狂风暴雨，反而成为我们轮流倾听的机会，让我们尝试超越自身的视角，找到真正困扰我们的根源。我们并不期待这段关系永远充满和平和喜悦，但现在我们已经掌握了工具，能够更从容、更快速地应对度过那些艰难有挑战的时刻。
—we move through them on a daily basis, we struggle with them, we enjoy them, and we learn from them. The purpose of this book revolves around the fact that even though we are familiar with our own emotional ranges, we can benefit from improving our understanding of ourselves and how we relate to what we feel. In the act of knowing yourself better, you will be able to love your partner better and allow the vehicle of love to propel your personal growth. Love and growth need to go hand in hand for harmony to be a real possibility in a partnership.
——我们每天都在经历这些情绪，与之抗争，享受其中，并从中学习、汲取教训。这本书的核心围绕着一个事实：尽管我们熟悉自己的情感范围，但若能够更深入地理解自己，以及我们与自身感受的关联互动方式，我们必将获益匪浅。在更深入地了解自我的过程中，你能够更好地爱自己的伴侣，并让爱成为推动你个人成长的动力。唯有让爱与成长齐头并进相辅相成，亲密关系才能真正实现和谐。
Love has the shape and feel of water. It is simultaneously flexible and powerful. It can adapt and roar;it can also be silently nourishing.
爱有着水的形态和质感。它既柔韧又强大。它既能顺应万物，也能咆哮；也能默默滋养。
Instead of looking for someone who is “perfect”, look for someone who is not scared of growing. The beginnings of relationships are not always smooth. Even when the connection is strong you still have to intentionally learn how to love each other well.
与其寻找一个“完美”的人，不如寻找一个不害怕成长的人。关系的开端不总是顺遂。即使彼此羁绊深厚，两人仍需有意识地去学习如何好好相爱。